One of the questions I have often been asked is, “How do you do it? How do you balance you work and personal life? To be very honest, “I don’t”
All these years I have battled the guilt of not being able to do it all. I would feel guilty that I am not at home with my family when I am working. I would also feel guilty that I am not working when I am not at home. This double dose of guilt is recipe of misery. Fortunately, I am not a fan of leading a miserable life. So, I made an attempt to rationalize entire work life balance concept and what I discovered: Work-life balance is a myth. The concept of work/life balance is fundamentally flawed. Wikipedia describes work-life balance as having enough time to do one’s work and enough time to live one’s life. I disagree. It implies that work and life are mutually exclusive: work is necessarily not life and life is necessarily not work. If you feel that way, then you're probably in the wrong line of work!
Paying attention to just one area of one’s life leads to lop-sidedness. If we focus all our energy into only being one aspect of ourselves, we begin to lose ourselves. This is especially true if all of your energy goes into doing a job you don’t enjoy. You have nothing left for yourself, your family or your friends. Your conversations become one-dimensional and social interactions are taxing as you try to find new topics of conversation, but fail for lack of material. It is important to do what you love and passionate about. On the other hand, if lifestyle is the sum of your daily focus, in time you will begin to question the value your life offers, and a sense of emptiness begins to permeate your activities. While doing my research, I found that the phrase was first used in the UK in the 1970s. It reflected the notion that we have separate life areas, and we need to balance them out. This conjures up the image of one of those old TV dinner trays, one where each life component has its own, neat little place. No messiness. No overlapping. Perhaps this was possible back then. Today, not so much. Thanks to those almighty advancements in technology, most of us are accessible to pretty much anyone, anywhere, at any time. Which means we can network, research that project or hold a client meeting smack dab in the middle of our family vacation. We live in a 24/7 culture that’s always on. Here is a truth, there's no magic formula that will help you give exactly the right amount of time to the many competing demands in your life. Invariably, life involves choices – and the choices are up to you. We can take inspiration from many executives who made choices that worked for them. Here are some different approaches born out of different choices made by highly successful people:
Accept You Will Never Achieve Balance
There is no such thing as work-life balance. You can do both at a mediocre level. You can do one poorly and one well. Or you can do an outstanding job at one and not do the other at all. Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook COO says “a misguided metaphor for grasping the relationship between work and the rest of life; the image of the scale forces you to think in terms of trade-offs instead of the possibilities for harmony.” Sandberg says the idea that work needs to compete with life ignores the “more nuanced reality of our humanity.” She argues that life is “actually the intersection and interaction of the four domains of work, home, community, and the private self.” She believes you can never have it all at once, but admits that you can bring the four domains into close alignment to achieve “as much harmony as possible.” Since there is no balance, what about doing work and life sequentially? This is what many all-0r-nothing types do. They train for the Olympics and then they go to college after they compete. Or they work long hours for a decade and then they quit to have kids. Or they travel for five years and then start a career. A sequential life means that you don’t give everything up, but you work for a while, then you take a break, then you work. When you work, you work very long hours. When you are not working you are really not working. How much you like to work will dictate how much time of your life you are working versus how much you are doing non-work. Google CFO Patrick Pichette made headlines when he announced his retirement in the media "I will be retiring from Google to spend more time with my family." What he wanted now was to enjoy life at home and abroad with his wife, to "grab our backpacks and hit the road -- celebrate our last 25 years together by turning the page and enjoy a perfectly fine midlife crisis full of bliss and beauty." He made a choice to leave the best job he ever had and chose more time with his family.
Focus on Work-Life Integration
When you see a mother answering emails on her iPad during her child’s soccer match, or a dad Skyping with a colleague during a picnic with the family, that’s work-life integration.
Work-life balance and work-life integration can be hard to manage, but we found successful executives who have figured out how to remain successful while still making time for their friends and family.
Instead of focusing on work life balance, work on meticulously integrating them. Indra Nooyi, PepsiCo Chairman and CEO, doesn’t believe women can have it all.
“I don’t think women can have it all. I just don’t think so. We pretend we have it all. We pretend we can have it all. My husband and I have been married for 34 years. And we have two daughters".
To integrate her work and life Nooyi allows her personal assistant to give her children permission to do certain things when they call the office. Nooyi provides her assistant with a set of questions that when answered correctly allow her children to play with friends, play video games, and take part in other activities.
Make Deliberate Choices
Be honest and make deliberate choices about what you want in life. Instead of just letting life happen, be honest with yourselves and make deliberate choices about what you want from your life and how you want to spend your time. You talk to your partners, spouses, and others who are important in your life, and come up with a road map of what is important to you, how you want to spend your time, and commit to following that path. Following a meeting in China, EY’s CEO Mark Weinberger was asked if he would be taking selfies with his employees at the Great Wall. He said that wouldn’t be possible because he needed to be back in Washington, DC, the following day to take his daughter to her driving test. His message has resonated with employees. Nobody remembered the terrific speech he gave, but everybody remembered he went home for his daughter. “It brought home to me how powerful leading by example is. You can have all the initiatives you want saying you can have flexibility, but until some of the real leaders make the choice to choose family, I don’t think people feel like they have real permission to do it,” Mark Weinberger said.
Find your Rhythm
When you find your rhythm, you will be in control of your life.
Marissa Mayer, CEO, Yahoo took only two weeks’ maternity leave when her son was born. But she didn’t compromise on spending time with her newborn: She had a nursery built next to her office.
Of course not everyone has the opportunity to bring their children to work. For those workers, Mayer offers a simple suggestion: “Find your rhythm.”
What she meant was “Don’t give up on things you do not want to”. Know your priorities and set clear boundaries.
If you are tired of working 10 and 12 and 14 hours a day, it is ok to admit it. Admitting that you want more time for things other than work does not mean you are any less professional or any less committed to work. It simply means that you are setting healthy boundaries to protect your priorities and avoid becoming expended, depleted and overwhelmed.
Get Rid of Outdated Work Practices
Eric Severson, former co-chief human resource officer, Gap was responsible for leading a movement toward “work-life integration” at GAP. In 2005, he spoke with the top female executives at Best Buy, and they made him realize that work-life balance isn’t achievable. Instead, “it’s about work-life integration in the 21st century,”.
“People use their own ingenuity” at all times of the day and no longer “make things” that require them to be in a static location for a specific amount of time, Severson says. He realized people need to be held accountable for what they are required to get done, not for how long they work or how much “face time” with people they have during the day.
Severson’s quotes remind us of current working patterns that are hugely outdated. The idea of “nine to five” was conceived during the industrial revolution, prior to the invention of electricity, never mind the internet. Our culture of presentism was born out of conformity, rather than evolving working patterns into what we truly need, both in terms of motivation and productivity. Some organizations embrace a fixed regime of regimented hours and a single office space because it enables them to retain control over their workforce. Big businesses that allow employees to work from home on Wednesdays, leave early on a Friday, or work a four-day week are not offering true flexibility, they are merely extending the leash.
In order for an employee to feel connected to and motivated by their employer, mutual understanding is crucial. This requires the employer to truly empathize with the person behind the employee, and appreciate the richness and complexity of their lives outside of work. Failure to do so may encourage the employee to seek out a more “caring” work environment, or follow the growing trend towards self-employment.
Anyone who has led a team or simply been part of a working group, knows it’s more productive and more enjoyable to work with highly motivated and enthusiastic individuals. I can’t speak for others, but when everything in my life is well integrated, I am able truly to enjoy what I do, uninhibited by guilt or any other barrier that may get in the way.
Enjoy the Work-Life Mix
Richard Branson, CEO of Virgin is a big fan of work-life mix. “Rather than thinking of these two aspects of your life as antagonistic, why not combine them? As I’ve often said, I don’t divide work and play: It’s all living,” he tells Branson says when trying to balance home life with your career, both can suffer. The billionaire entrepreneur admits that he will book time with his family in his work diary. Branson also makes sure that all of his employees understand that sometimes family emergencies will happen and during those times he needs to leave the office and be left alone. He even explains work problems to his children so they can learn about life from his perspective. Branson believes engaging with your children about your work life can help them solve problems in their own lives.
Stay in the Moment and Reward Yourself
Former Qwest COO Teresa Taylor says the best way to balance work and life is to “stay in the moment.” “When you’re at work in a meeting, be there. When you’re at home, be there. If you’re in a business meeting, don’t be wishing to be somewhere else. Be present where you are, and don’t feel guilty,” she tells. The key is to not expect more than work can actually provide. While it’s important to enjoy work, you can’t expect it to fulfill every aspect (passion, social, entertainment, etc.) ~Melissa Mizer Wilhel If you identify yourself solely with your professional roles and what you produce, you will likely set yourself up for disappointment. It’s not just that there are no guarantees in business; it’s that we’re wired to want more in life, and there is so much more to experience than the act of achieving. There’s the feeling of loving and being loved; the excitement of trying new things and allowing yourself to fall, get up, and grow; there’s the sensation of being spontaneous and allowing the present moment to deliver you into situations you may never have known to choose. Take time to reward yourself for all your hard work. Read a book, take a nap or indulge in a special treat. If you're respectful of your own needs, it's much easier to find the resources to respect and support the needs of those around you.
There is no such things as perfect work life balance. There is no perfect or one size fits for all choice. One should not strive for perfection, but should be constantly aware of those choices that will benefit aspects of our lives. In an attempt to make a living, do not forget to make a life. Feel free to share your thoughts and experience on Work Life Integration and let us all get inspired ! Thank you
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